Emmett's Irritation
by Heartbroken1
Summary: Since Nessie’s birth Jacob Black has become a thorn in Rosalie’s side. And what bothers Rosalie eventually ends up irritating Emmett too. For the Twilighted Breaking Dawn Missing Moments Challenge. Category: Humor. Chapter 26, approximately Page 522.


Disclaimer

: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.

Thank you to Forks1 and shabbyapple for the beta job on this!

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_Emmett's Irritation__ by Heartbroken1_

_Emmett Cullen_

Rosalie was spending way too much time stewing over the furry irritation that just wouldn't go away. Jacob's werewolf side had made a claim to the little girl that had triggered Rose's motherly instinct, even before she was born. The two of them weren't willing to give up the doting and were consequently stuck in close proximity.

Every time the dog took off to run his patrols or check in with his pups, she would complain to me. "Can you believe him, Emmett?" she whispered as she rocked Nessie in her arms, next to me on the couch. "He is the most irritating _thing_ I've ever met. He's disrespectful, rude and he _stinks_ to high heaven."

"If he bothers you that much, then just stay away from him."

"_What? _I have been protecting this sweet baby since before she was even born and I am not about to give that oversized mongrel more time with _my _Nessie."

"Technically, babe, she's Bella and Edward's Nessie."

Her eyes narrowed and focused on me with a look that, if I weren't immortal and really strong, would have had me shaking in fear. "How would you like to be stuck with having to use your hand in order to get some satisfaction?" The corner of her upper lip lifted into the 'oh, so sexy half grin thing' that she knew would drive me wild. A groan rumbled from low in my chest and her lips continued to pull away from her teeth into a heart stopping smile. "Isn't there something you can do?"

"I don't know, Ro-…"

Breath blew across my ear as she purred, "Please. I'll make it worth your while." Nessie stirred and Rosalie straightened, lulling the fitful child back into a deep sleep. "Emmett, that mutt is driving me crazy. I need some time with Nessie."

"What do you expect me to do?" Irritation was beginning to creep into my tone. "It's not like I could rip him to shreds…"

"Are you kidding? You're so much stronger than…"

"That's not what I meant." I flexed the arm that was behind her head, her silky locks tickling my skin. "Of course, I'm strong enough to _rip him to shreds_, but do you honestly think that Bella and Edward -- and Nessie -- would ever forgive me if I did? And if Nessie were hurt, you would never…"

"Okay, so don't hurt him," she groaned. "Just make him go away."

I leaned over to lightly kiss her forehead. "Because I love you, I will _try_. I'm not promising anything, but I'll think of something." The wheels in my brain were whirring, trying to come up with a plan of how to please Rosalie, get rid of the dog and do it without getting myself hurt. I was pretty sure that I was strong enough to kick his ass, even do a bit of damage. But… I'd seen the wolves in action and Jacob was the strongest of all; the true Alpha.

"My turn, Blondie," Jacob growled as the door opened. It closed with a snap and Rosalie met his request with an answering growl. "I mean it. You've had her long enough."

"Snooze you lose." Rosalie stiffened against me. "See, that's the advantage of being a vampire; we don't need sleep. You dogs do," she finished with a giggle.

His eyes narrowed and his feet thundered across the floor as he stomped toward us. Rosalie stood to match his height and hardened her face into a glare. The hatred oozing out of her made my ice cold skin, arctic. I stood behind her, just in case.

With speed that was hard for even my vampire sight to follow, Jacob snatched Nessie from Rosalie's arms. She took a step forward and stood nose to nose with the man that was towering over her. "How dare you?" she shrieked as her hand flashed out. Jacob caught her wrist in his hand. A loud crack resonated through the air around us as the two forces collided. "Damn you!"

His face was still hard and intense, but his eyes contained the same surprise that I was feeling. He hadn't meant to hurt her, that much was obvious. But the protective side of me was beginning to take control.

I took a step toward them and took Rosalie's arm from Jacob's relenting grip. "I think this has gone far enough."

"He _broke _my wrist." She rubbed at her arm. "Fix this, you big oaf." Her hair flipped as she spun around and headed toward the door.

Jacob and I shared a relieved breath. "Sorry, dude, I really didn't mean…"

"You don't have to tell me, but I still need to kick your ass."

His head tilted to the side and he raised a brow. "I could use a good work out…before I bust some more vampire bones."

I smiled and so did he. His eyes lighting up at our banter. As strange as it sounded, I was really beginning to like the mutt. He was the first mortal to put Rose in her place, to not look at her like they wanted to see her naked. I respected him for that.

"This has got to stop. The two of you fighting over that beautiful little girl is getting ridiculous."

Nessie snuggled deeper into Jacob's arms, her big brown eyes fluttering open. She looked up into his face and smiled. The loving expression on his face was enough to melt my cold heart.

"I don't want to fight either, Emmett, but I'm not giving up. Nessie's mine."

Like the flick of a light switch, an idea struck. "What if you could have twenty-four hours of Nessie, Rosalie free?"

"I'm listening."

"Okay, here's the deal. Rosalie is driving me nuts because you are making her _insane_. So I've been thinking…"

"Yeah?" He sounded skeptical.

"What if you and me had a contest?"

His brows raised and he tipped his head to the side. "What kind of contest?"

"Arm wrestling." I'd already been beaten by Bella, beating a puppy would be easy.

White teeth appeared from beneath his tanned lips. "Arm wrestling?"

I nodded. "Just you and me."

"What are the odds?"

"When _I _win…"

A hoarse bark of laughter burst out of his lungs.

I answered with a smile, then continued, "When I win, you'll leave for twenty-four hours. Stay away from Nessie, from Rose, from the house."

"When I win?"

"I'll take Rosalie away for the same amount of time. You will have Nessie all to yourself."

He smiled at just the thought of my proposition. His arms tightened around the little girl and she wrapped her arms around his neck. Her small hands dwarfed against his cheek as she spoke to him. He nodded, then kissed her cheek. "I'm in," he said, extending his hand.

I shook it. "When do you want to do this?"

"How 'bout now? Unless you got other things to do." He was taunting me through an arrogant smile.

Confidence was a great emotion. Beating the mutt at arm wrestling would give me pleasure in more ways than one. I motioned toward the dining room table, then followed him as he strode toward the large room off the kitchen. Nessie waved from over his shoulder, then giggled when I waved back.

It didn't come as a surprise that the family was already waiting for us when we arrived. Living with a mind reader and a fortune teller didn't allow much room for surprises -- for me, at least.

"What the hell are you all doing here?" Jacob asked, looking around at our audience.

"We came to watch you two make fools out of yourself," Alice said nonchalantly.

"Emmett, Jacob, if you ruin my table, I will not be very happy." Esme's soft motherly tone scolded. "It's a priceless antique that Carlisle gave to me on our seventieth anniversary." She smiled adoringly at the man standing behind her.

I cracked my knuckles, then sank down in a chair. Shrugging my shoulders, I tried to prepare the muscles in my upper body. It was surprising how much my whole body was anticipating this contest.

Jacob handed Nessie over to her mother, then lifted his right arm over his head, bending it at the elbow. After he finished his stretching, his knuckles folded into his hand, a loud crack echoing around us. "Let's do this. I want my twenty-four hours to start now."

My eyes rolled as I wrapped my fingers around his hand.

Edward stepped forward. "This is ridiculous," he told us in a hushed whisper. His hand held ours in place as he counted us down. "Ready. Get set. Go!"

I shoved against his hand, expecting it to slam into Esme's precious table. Instead, it stopped short, the muscles in my arm and chest jerking to a halt. I grunted, putting more umph behind my grip.

He matched my every move, almost as if he was anticipating them. His face was intense, full of concentration. He was focused, and unrelenting.

I was disappointed. _So much for an easy win_. Edward chuckled, and I turned to glare at him. Jacob took advantage of my momentary lack of focus, gaining some ground, which I quickly recovered.

We went back and forth a few times, but mostly just stayed poised in the same position. Minutes ticked by, becoming hours. Little by little, our audience left.

Alice took Jasper by the hand. "This isn't going to end any time soon. Come on, Jazz, we've got better things to do." He followed her without protest.

Carlisle and Esme disappeared with a "Please, don't break my table, boys".

Edward held Nessie on his lap while Bella fed her. The three of them watched us, amused. I thought I found Jacob's Achilles heel when Nessie whispered his name. He smiled and as he glanced toward her, I was able to ease his arm toward the table. His teeth ground together and he easily regained the little ground I'd acquired.

Nessie fell asleep against Edward's chest, snoring softly, as the sun began to fade in the sky. The room around us began to plunge into darkness.

Rosalie sauntered into the room. "What the hell are you two morons doing?"

"Winning," we said at the same time, both snorting at the other's conceited answer.

"How long have you been _winning_?"

"Four hours," Bella groaned.

"How long are you… Never mind, I'm going to take a shower." She rolled her eyes, flipped the light on as she disappeared through the swinging door.

Nessie sat up straight and began to cry. Bella stood, snatching the upset little girl from Edward. "That's it. _We_ win," she announced, taking Edward's hand. "We are taking Nessie away for twenty-four hours. Nobody is allowed near our cabin. If there's an emergency, call us. Do _not _even think about pushing this. You might not be able to beat each other, but I can beat you both -- at the same time." She lifted her head toward the ceiling. "That means you too, Rose. Nessie is off limits to all of you."

The little family disappeared through the door, Edward's laughter fading as they left the house.

When I looked back at Jacob, he looked dumbfounded with his mouth hanging open and his eyes blinking disbelievingly at the empty doorway. He turned to meet my gaze, closed his mouth then smirked. "Well, at least I don't have to answer to Rosalie."

A loud thud came from upstairs. "Emmett, how could you?"

_Damn!_

Jacob stood, stretched, jerking his head toward the racket that was coming from upstairs. I could only imagine the destruction that would be left in the aftermath of Hurricane Rosalie. A shudder ran down my spine and the mutt laughed sardonically. "Yeah, good luck with that."

"Thanks, but I'll need more than just luck."

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**_Author's Note: _**Please come over to www . twilighted . net and vote! THANKS!


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